Why are girls leaving sports at twice the rate of boys by the age of 13?

In this episode of Surviving Youth Sports, Rhett Parker sits down with Breanne Smedley, former collegiate volleyball player, high school coach, mental performance coach, and founder of The Elite Competitor, to explore the unique pressures female athletes face from a young age.

Breanne shares her own story of walking away from college volleyball because she didn’t believe she was good enough, only to rediscover her love for the game and earn a full scholarship after walking on at Western Washington University. That journey shaped her mission to help young athletes build confidence, develop resilience, and separate their identity from their performance.

Together, they discuss why girls experience sports differently, how parents can unintentionally create pressure, the importance of the car ride home, and why keeping girls in sports requires more than teaching better skills. It requires creating environments where they can enjoy competing, embrace challenges, and know they are valued far beyond the scoreboard.

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Guest Resources

• The Elite Competitor

• Coach Her Game

• Train Her Game

• Coach Bree Training

Key Takeaways

• Girls often carry expectations that go beyond simply competing. They’re asked to perform, lead, fit in, and be confident without crossing invisible lines.

• Parents can unintentionally reinforce performance-based identity through the way they praise success rather than the process behind it.

• Every athlete processes competition differently. A healthy car ride home starts with understanding what your child actually needs after a game.

• Confidence isn’t something athletes either have or don’t have. It’s a skill that can be developed through intentional mental training.

• Sports are part of a young athlete’s identity, but they should never become their entire identity.

Soundbites

“Girls are quitting sports at twice the rate of boys by the age of 13.”

“Can you watch your kid without desire?”

“A human experience is we just want to be seen and heard.”

“I would rather quit now than find out I wasn’t as good as everyone thought I could be.”

“Your sport is what you do. It’s not who you are.”

Episode Breakdown with Timestamps

Watch on YouTube or Listen on Apple or Spotify and follow along.

[00:00] From Walking Away to Finding Purpose

• Breanne shares how she turned down college volleyball opportunities because she believed she wasn’t good enough.

• A second chance at Western Washington University changed the direction of her career.

• Discovering sports psychology transformed the way she viewed competition and coaching.

[05:20] Where Pressure Really Comes From

• Why pressure doesn’t always come from demanding parents.

• How even well-intentioned praise can teach kids that love and recognition are earned through performance.

• The difference between praising outcomes and celebrating effort, resilience, and character.

[13:20] Parents, Status, and Missing the Journey

• Rhett and Breanne discuss how youth sports can quietly become tied to parental identity.

• Why chasing exposure, rankings, and status can distract families from the moments that matter most.

• The challenge of supporting your child without attaching your own expectations to their experience.

[21:40] The Car Ride Home Matters

• Breanne introduces her LOVE framework for postgame conversations.

• Why every athlete responds differently after competition.

• How validation often helps more than immediately trying to solve the problem.

[27:15] The Unique Pressure of Being a Girl in Sports

• Why girls leave sports at significantly higher rates than boys.

• The challenges of perfectionism, confidence, body changes, and conflicting expectations.

• How mental skills help girls stay connected to the sports they love.

[39:10] Your Sport Is Not Your Identity

• Why tying self-worth to athletic performance can become dangerous.

• Helping athletes understand that sports are something they do, not who they are.

• A closing reminder that the greatest lessons from sports extend far beyond competition.

Final Reflection

The goal isn’t to remove every challenge from a young athlete’s journey. It’s to create an environment where they can face those challenges without believing their worth depends on the outcome. When kids know they’re valued beyond their performance, they’re more likely to keep showing up, keep growing, and keep loving the game.

Call to Action

If this episode resonated with you, subscribe to Surviving Youth Sports and share it with a parent, coach, or athlete who cares about creating a healthier experience for the next generation. Every conversation helps move youth sports toward what it was always meant to be: a place where kids can grow as athletes and as people.