Lorraine Eloms: Your Kid Doesn’t Need to Keep Up With the Joneses

Rhett Parker: Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surviving Youth Sports. And today we have Lorraine Eloms. Got that right. you came up on on my Instagram profile talking about youth sports and and yeah, so welcome to the show. Lorraine Eloms: I appreciate it. Thank you guys for having me. Same on my side too. You know, seeing the the guests that you have on is so helpful. And I was just like, Yes, like we just need more of that. So Rhett Parker: We Lorraine Eloms: I'm happy to join. Rhett Parker: we do and and I think and and listen, I'm not knocking anybody else, right? And I'm not saying that we're perfect or someone else isn't. I I think what we're trying to do, and and you're a perfect example of this, we're trying to draw on experiences, and you give your experience, and your experience may be totally different than somebody else's, and it doesn't mean yours is right or wrong. Lorraine Eloms: Okay. Rhett Parker: But like we're trying to give information to people, right? And then let them make their own decisions. I you so you Lorraine Eloms: I love that. Yep. Yep. Great perspective. So I I love the different perspective that you guys have brought in this meeting. Rhett Parker: It it it it is because there's a lot of people that want to tell people what to do. And like that's not what we're trying to do. And it's real I don't actually think some of it's helpful. I think it's I think it makes people nervous and and scared. And that's why a lot of people troll sometimes when they feel like they're being told told what to do because Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: maybe they're doing the opposite. Have you Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: Got that with some of the things that that you've been posting on on your social medias. Lorraine Eloms: Not the trolls in the comments. So I have not had, you know, too many trolls, but I have definitely heard around some coaches in the community that don't necessarily, you know, believe in our philosophy or have things to say to athletes. And I don't really play that game just because, you know, it's and to your point, everyone has a right to to teach and learn the way they want to teach and learn, you know, with whom they're dealing with. So I just keep my opinions and I stand on what I believe in and my philosophy. but you know in terms of you know bad mouthing other coaches and all that kind of stuff unless there's an issue with a kid and then I always go directly to the coach and say, hey how can we work together? Here's what's going on, that kind of thing. But no I haven't had too much craziness in the comments yet. Rhett Parker: yeah, I think we've had a little bit. I I will tell you, 'cause I'm not a social media person, which is why our producers, I mean, he's just great. The Instagram Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: crowd versus like the TikTok crowd versus whatever else we're on, completely, completely different. I Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. They are. They are, for sure. Rhett Parker: I and I'm not a social media person. I think I think my first social media account was like during COVID or right around there. So right here for me. Lorraine Eloms: Okay, yeah. You had Rhett Parker: which is which is great because I feel like and you'll probably say the same thing. I feel like if we had social media when when we were young, I know I I I'm not I don't know if I'm where I am today. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. And a lot of people, so yeah, it's and it's funny because that is the case, but people don't always understand the consequences and things, you know, to that. So now it's you know, before we were we interacted, you know, if we have wanted to have a conversation, you would pick up the phone or you have the conversation where, you know, I think a lot of people you can have the authority in in whatever it is you feel like you believe in. but then you it's always how you communicate to the the people that you're arguing with or whoever you want to have a discussion with. And to me, I think that's kind of gone out the window just because people on the flip side, they are behind their computer and on the keyboard and saying crazy things and all that kind of stuff. And then some people just don't care. They're like, I'm gonna just put my whole life out there, Rhett Parker: Yeah. Lorraine Eloms: let it rip. Rhett Parker: Well, it's it's interesting because I had social media and and pr family members and stuff. Like, hey, I'll give a like a monthly update just where we're at, because it's really hard to keep up with everybody. And then when we started to do this, I you know, I and I had stuff out there, but it was you know, I I'm not a big deal at all. But we started to get more followers that aren't me or aren't people that I know, and then I got some weird comments. On some of the kid stuff, I was like, all right. so I don't do that anymore. I actually got a different like profile and it's private, and it's only for the people that I really care about. So it's actually kind of nice Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: to just go on to that because it it is. There's some things that are private that you want your friends and former players and family to to see and know about, but not maybe the whole world. So yeah, so What exact how did you get into the performance part of what you do? What what's your background athletically and and you know, sort of mental performance wise? Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, so it started back in 2002-ish. So I I again I ran for Indiana University, graduated, everything was done. And so I still I didn't have a desire to continue with my track career, but I knew that I wanted to help. and so I started training with I started coaching, I should say, with a local track club called Indies Racing Cheetahs. And I did that for probably about 11 years. And so I was coaching sprinters. Did a little bit of jump training or coaching and training with the kids there. And then later had my daughter and then, you know, kind of laid off of coaching for a little bit because it got to be too overwhelming. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: and later got married to my husband. we met. So then fast forward to 2018, we started a sports performance company called Top Steve. And so we started that in our community because we knew that there was a, we found that there was a need here in our new community. We had just moved to Fisher's. To kind of help with speed and agility, but more on the individual basis and then small group basis. So we started doing individual training, we did small camps, and our focus was just around the fundamentals of sprinting and movement and agility. So any sport that you're in, if there's agility and sprinting involved, we welcome those kids. And so we taught them just the foundational things. And it was organic at the time in terms of the mental performance piece. So I'd always say, you know. Make sure that you're positive. We don't, we didn't allow negative self-talk, you know, any of those things. And then I realized that that was in me. And so when I realized that that was what I lived and breathed every day, then I saw a gap in our sports community in terms of, you know, the mental performance piece and how to reframe mistakes, you know, how to have emotional control, you know, all those things. I was like, this is a common thing, confidence issues. It's like, you know, I had to put this into a real framework. And so then that's what I did under Top Speed. You know, went and got my cognitive behavioral therapy certification along with life and mindset coach certification because I wanted to make sure I had real training behind it. Rhett Parker: Mm. Lorraine Eloms: And then it's now it's part of our curriculum. Rhett Parker: Do do you think because I I feel like like this, man, the the ev one, everything's organized now, right? There's no free Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: play, generally speaking. And Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: then social media puts these weird pressures on kids, parents, families. Lorraine Eloms: Yes. Rhett Parker: And that's why I to me I believe that that is one of the reasons we have confidence issues, is because Lorraine Eloms: Okay. Rhett Parker: of everything is organized and every like That's why, right? Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, I think that's part of it. And I think that's a great point. so I just wrote about this, I think last week, and I have a blog that comes out every Tuesday. And that was literally just about those things. And it's kind of a running theme, I think, through all of the blogs that I put out there. You know, parents and kids alike. We let social media dictate how well we're doing, where we're supposed to be, where we're not supposed to be, how good somebody else is. And Your point, the organization piece there without being able to help self-regulate and just play, you know what I mean? Sometimes it's just that simple, just be active. but the organization piece I think has a lot to do with the money that's available and the opportunity for clubs and all that kind of stuff to make money, which is not a bad thing, but to your point, I think it's it's oversaturated with that. And so, you know, you have parents and kids alike, and so a lot of my blogs are really geared toward parents because to your point. they're looking at social media too and they're like, well, why isn't Johnny, you know, D1 ready and he's in the eighth grade? Why does he not have NIL? Why is he, you know, not starting, you know, and and I know that he does all these great things, but then, you know, they're just it's a constant comparing thing and it's really toxic, I think, just mentally for parents and and kids. Rhett Parker: It's it and it is completely taxing. I mean it just it just it is and you know and and it's and it's hard even for probably people like us, you want to see your kid ha have success. I and I just Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, I'll suppose. Rhett Parker: put something out the other day. We we we had a kid and obviously we're athletic family, you know, we we both play just like you and your husband, like Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: we had someone not make a team, a regional team, and he's like one of the best Lorraine Eloms: Yep. Rhett Parker: players on his team. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: Man, and and you're you're kind of sitting there like, hmm, this is weird. And and Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Rhett Parker: and my wife's like, you know, and it it's hard because he's because he's young and it and it really doesn't matter in the long term. But to watch Lorraine Eloms: Right. Rhett Parker: your kid like like break down or cry because he was very looking forward to it and he's had a lot of success in this sport, you know, with his Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: team, and his team's one of the best teams around. And it was it was it was it was tough, but I think we we don't ask ourselves enough and and and you know humbly say this okay, how can we use this to move him forward, not just in sports, but what are you gonna do about it? You didn't like Lorraine Eloms: Nice. Yep. Rhett Parker: it, okay. Do you think you worked extra hard to like do this, this, and this? And the answer is no. Cause he he's athletic and he's lazy. I mean, it's just because he can pick it up and be really good at a lot of different sports. Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: Well, this was kind of a good thing. I mean, that's way I what I'm taking from it. It was hard, Lorraine Eloms: For me. Rhett Parker: but it's it's good. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. And I again wrote about that too. It's it is important. So, you know, and and I know there's been several guests on your show that kind of talk about this. There was a gentleman, I think, that you guys had maybe a couple of weeks ago. You know, you get this much time in sports. So the things that we're talking about with the mental preparation, physical, physical is yes, for you to do well now. But even when you go pro, like you literally have this much more life compared to this much sports. So these things to your point, that's teaching you about how to get do you think this is the the last time that you're going to be disappointed? You think the last time you're Rhett Parker: Oops. Lorraine Eloms: going to be rejected? Do you think that somebody else is not going to tell you that they don't want you? It's as literally just the beginning. So while Rhett Parker: Yeah. Lorraine Eloms: I love that you know my kids and I love that they're trying and all that kind of stuff Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: on the other side, We need these these reps. And that's what sports is for. You know, it really can help. If you use it, it can literally help you for your next part of life, which is is much bigger than these few years. You don't want to downplay that, but it is true. And here's the thing, also, everybody gets to a certain point. Sometimes there was just somebody better than you. It's just what it is. And that's a really hard thing, you know, as ex-athletes. Rhett Parker: Yep. Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: when you lose. Like I Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: I always talk about Tiger Woods. He has, I think his percentage of winning was like 20 something, 20 or 30%. That sounds really low, but he was the best golfer to ever do it. So Rhett Parker: Mm. Lorraine Eloms: understanding that, you lose a lot, even when you're really, really good. And so I think that that's a a major lesson to learn so that you can learn how to bounce back from from some of those setbacks that you will have in life. Rhett Parker: Or you can just go play baseball and fail all the time. Like like like dumb people like like me wouldn't you know choose that as your sport and you've just it embraced the the failure of 70% of the time and you're really good. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Yeah. Rhett Parker: but I I I think that you know we sort of sit in in a little bit of a of a of a bubble that everything will work out as long as we work hard. And Lorraine Eloms: Yes. Rhett Parker: and I try to tell the the high school, college guys, whatever, hey man, when you're being recruited, dude, enjoy that. Because I joke with them all the time. I'm like, about our projection. You know, when you get older and you start to date, you do I mean, you're gonna get rejected. I I can I guys, you might not think it Or girls, you might not think it, you're going to. It's it it's Lorraine Eloms: Happening. Sharply. Rhett Parker: yes, it is gonna so like when you're being courted, you know, in a relationship, or you're being recorded at recruiting, or if you're lucky enough to be a free agent, man, embrace because there's very few times in your life someone's gonna want you. Trust me, like exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Sorry, you might have gotten kicked for every time to get on a kickball team, but this is a kickball team. Rhett Parker: Yep, 100%. So I I I jokingly say that, but I am serious. you know, you you should embrace embrace that because it's it's not and then it's not gonna last forever because you know, pretty soon here, you know, and and he's already gone through it. You talk about Messi. He's not good enough to play in the big European leagues anymore. He's already been rejected, and now that's why he's playing in the MLS, which is still high level, right? Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: And eventually he will. Lorraine Eloms: He won't be a better play MLS. And this is definitely Rhett Parker: Correct. Lorraine Eloms: everybody has an expiration date. Rhett Parker: Yep. Follow time is undefeated, everyone. So Lorraine Eloms: That's it. Rhett Parker: what kind of person, I mean, God, and and I would say that that your sport of track, especially, because as soon as you lose what half a step, quarter of a step, you're done. It's over. And Lorraine Eloms: It's over. Yeah. It's over. Rhett Parker: you can't get it back. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Track is the queen of accountability, however way you want to look at it, because it's just you. Rhett Parker: Yeah. Lorraine Eloms: It is you that track whatever you prepared for or you didn't prepare for. And then the time, there's no ambiguity. It's the time. Rhett Parker: Yeah. Right. That's that's that Lorraine Eloms: Sweddy thing. Rhett Parker: that is that you are a hundred percent right. That is the most accountable sport that I think there's Lorraine Eloms: See. Rhett Parker: no judges, there's no umpire, there's no, you know, Lorraine Eloms: Fine. Rhett Parker: I hit that ball hard, but it's right to somebody like that's funny. That's funny. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, but time to time. The jump to Rhett Parker: That is funny. you know, but it it and it it is sort of funny. You cause you in other sports, you can recreate yourself. You know, if you lose some miles an hour on your fastball because your arm's older or whatever, you can get a different pitch and put more on this I mean you can stick around for a while, man. Yeah, that's a good point about track, man. As soon as you're you're done. yeah. Yeah. That's that is Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Correct. You can look into coaching and helping your teammates and stuff like that, but yeah, it's it's very cutthroat. Rhett Parker: that is very cutthroat. That's that's interesting. So, you know. Some of the things that that you know I think you've you've talked about and as you you talk about you know rest is something that's really interesting because you know, my wife is physical medicine and rehab physician and a lot of the people that she sees that are young athletes is it's all overuse. I mean it is. And it's very similar overuse. And why do you think that, you know, you can't take a day off, you can't rest? What like what is driving that mentality from from your perspective? Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. I can't I hate to keep using the same answer, but it it is a lot to do with what people are seeing outward. So the good part about the internet is you can get a lot of information on wellness and all those kind of things. Rhett Parker: Mm. Lorraine Eloms: But then the bad part is people are comparing what people's grind other people's grind looks like compared to theirs. And you truly don't know the behind the scenes, which is why comparing is not good. And when you see someone They're saying, I go hard seven days a week. And then you see, you know, the jump roping and then running up a hill. And then they're carrying kettlebells for 10 mouth, you know. And so everybody feels like, well, if I'm not doing that, then I'm behind. And so I think the parents, they push for it. So they they pay for additional trainers. they want extra practice time because they feel like they're behind when truly you're not. To your point earlier, your journey is yours. That's the part that you need to really embrace and enjoy because. What you're doing on your journey is the thing that matters the most. When you try to compare now, you've taken yourself out of your journey and put yourself on somebody else's reel or show. And it has nothing to do with you. You don't have, you have no clue what they're going through. They're you're two different people. So I think the rest comes from that. and sports is a lot more competitive now. I mean, you know, when you think about these kids, I mean, there's like some freaks of nature. And you think about across sports, and so everybody's like, man, you know. I gotta do more so I can get like them. And really that's not always the answer. It's not. Sometimes finding the things that you're really, really good at and getting really good at that, that's the boring work. Maximizing those talents, those special things that you have and really perfecting that. And then also honoring your body, meaning listen to your body. You know, if you're doing something, even if the workout says this, if you have signals and you're paying attention, then there's nothing wrong with cutting that back. and and so that you can live for the next workout or the next competition, if that's the goal. Rhett Parker: And sle sleep is more important than any of those other thing. I mean, I just tell you that right now. Lorraine Eloms: Yes, you can't repair if you're still moving. Like at some point your body has to, and it's still working, but you can't be up and on in order for it to do that. And of course, kids, they and you know, actually in parents defense, I've I heard talk to a lot of parents, they're pushing for that. But then the kids, they push harder the other way. And they're Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: like, you know, I need to be up and face timing and whatever the thing is. and they don't. They don't feel like they need the ribs. Rhett Parker: No, that's I mean sleep is so it's so underrated for Lorraine Eloms: And it was Rhett Parker: a lot of athletes. And you know, and we've talked about a lot on this show too, and you know, use track as the example. if you do not have quick muscle twitch, you're not gonna be a track star. And you can do as much workouts as you want. You ain't running track at a high level. Sorry. Like Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Now I I agree. You can recruit more quick twist muscle Rhett Parker: Mm, mm. Lorraine Eloms: fibers, but to your point, everything starts with DNA. Everything. Rhett Parker: Mm. Lorraine Eloms: And so to your point where you're like, you know, if you work hard, you can have anything you want. Well, not quite. Now, Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: the thing that you have a passion for, you could probably still be in it, but it may not look the way you would like it to look. So for instance, if you don't have quick twitch fibers, so you can run a professional level and that was your goal. then no, that probably won't happen. But if you really study the sport, then maybe you can be a coach to coach somebody who's on that next level. But you have to Rhett Parker: Okay. Lorraine Eloms: be open to the possibilities if you truly love it. A lot of times kids are like, well, ball is life, but I only want to dribble the ball or shoot or do some agility stuff just a couple of times a week because any other day they're going to play with friends. And Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: that's that's not how it goes, you know, when you're trying to get to a certain level. Rhett Parker: Yeah. And but It shouldn't be trying to get to a certain level. Like you should just be having fun at the sport. It you will know, and I again something I say all the time, you'll know when it gets serious, because you know what it'll cost. Lorraine Eloms: That's right. Rhett Parker: Zero. Nothing. Lorraine Eloms: A lot of parents don't get that though, because they'll be like, Well, you know, we're paying all this money, and to your point, these teams they need you. So, or you are an asset to the team. So they'll make sure that you get to where you need to get to and they'll sponsor you and all that kind of stuff. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: But what reaction do you get from parents? Or when you say that, what reaction have you gotten? Or Rhett Parker: it's never it's never free, which is i it it is that it that is not true. And Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: w what what I would say, and I want to give some context Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: to this If a team is paying a 12-year-old, that's not what I'm talking about. Because there's Lorraine Eloms: Mm yeah. Rhett Parker: I get apparently there's people out there that sponsor 12 year olds and fly them and their families and put them up in hotel I which again is I I have no clue that that I I I had no idea that stuff was happening, to be honest with you. What I mean is it is and it's starting to get a little bit serious for my kids in soccer. With some of the MLS like grassroots stuff. They're just training. So they're not on a team. So they have their own club team. But then you try out and they cut a lot of people. But you train, I think it's 10 times, and you're training at the the stadium, and the kit's free, and you have coach, it's free. So you're starting to go, okay, and they're about to be 13. Okay. Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: Now it's starting to be a little bit more serious. Is this what I want to do? Because man, my son was going over the rules with me the other night. If you're late, you're out. If you talk about your club soccer, you're out. If you don't have the right kit, Lorraine Eloms: Thank you. Rhett Parker: you're out. If you like, if you don't hustle, they'll replace you with somebody that got cut. Okay. And it costs zero. They're trying to prepare you. Okay, do you want to be part of the homegrown, which is all free? That's the team you play for. All the flights are free. Everything's free. The the schooling's free, you're at the facility every day, nutrition, weightlifting. That's real. Like you sign a contract, like you're in a different world. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, yeah. Rhett Parker: It's starting to get more real. I've had other guys play the qu what's called the circuit in baseball. A couple of them are in the big leagues now. Everything's free. The the the team sponsors that and they have other younger teams in their national programs, but you're not paying anything because you're one of the top hundred guys in the country. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, yeah. Rhett Parker: It's it's it's it's different. You go to the all American Lorraine Eloms: Exactly. Rhett Parker: game at perfect game, play it at big league stadium, everything's paid for for you. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: That's when you know you are arriving to real stuff. Lorraine Eloms: I agree. I agree. And even when you get there, that there's a test. Right. So when you get there, they're like, yeah, we want you because you are one of the best and we would like to have you here. But when I just heard you say the rules, you know, the expectations, you know, how many of them make it through based off because that's that's real life and and it's could be some major deprogramming or programming depending on where the the kid is coming from. You know, maybe they didn't have as much discipline around some of those things, but they'll find out. and that's real, but that is essentially what it takes if you want to be on the next level. Like if you're starting to do that, having that that rigor around your scheduling and and being on time and all that kind of stuff and focus, that's what it it truly does take. Rhett Parker: And you'll figure out real quick if this is what you want to do too. You know, I I mean, and and Lorraine Eloms: yeah, real fast. Rhett Parker: again, then it hits a different level of productivity. If you're if you're essentially getting paid or it's zero, your expectations now, because you're not paying a coach anymore, your expectations is to produce, to win games, or Lorraine Eloms: Okay. Rhett Parker: to continue to. Your process to get results. Like that's what, Lorraine Eloms: dva Rhett Parker: because that now you got different types of money and different types of things. And you know, that's way down the line. And and that's the thing. Like caught him trying to think down the line, right? Dude, no. Your Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: next focus is you train in 10 days, and you are to be good for that training session and pay attention and learn and do all those Lorraine Eloms: You have it. Rhett Parker: things and listen and and and follow the rules. And then the next session and the next don't worry about three years from now when it really gets Lorraine Eloms: I know. Yeah. And Rhett Parker: Yeah. Be where your feet are. Lorraine Eloms: yep. And in college, the next level, that's exactly how it goes. That is exactly what the expectation is. It's not, you're a freshman, you know, give you, you know, a little bit of time. And no, they come in and they have an expectation for you from you from day one. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. So your kids are older. and you talk about expectations and different things, and I and I find myself, and I take a step back a lot, so is my wife, trying to enjoy the chaos. And it's hard because I I looked at the twins the other day, who are seventh graders now, and was like, my God, you're like they're two thirds done living with us. Man, and it it hit me because we're going through we went through the closets at the end of the summer, and Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: you pass things down from kid to kid to kid. Man, I started you know, we're going through the donation stuff, Lorraine Eloms: Uh-huh. Rhett Parker: and I'm like, Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Crazy, right? Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: You used to play with that all the time. It hit me like boom. Lorraine Eloms: And then stuff starts looking little and you're like, but when did you get this? You know, all that stuff. You realize they got they've grown and it doesn't feel like it was that long ago, but here we are. Rhett Parker: Yeah. It how how do we deal with it? Cause I one of the reasons I do this is to ask these types of questions to people that have gone through it. Cause I try to learn every episode too. And man, it hit me so I'm like, I'm talking to my daughter, I'm like, dude, that you you used to like that thing used to be on your shoulder twenty four seven. And she's like, Yeah, Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: huh, I'm good. Lorraine Eloms: I'm done with it now. Yeah. Rhett Parker: Made me yeah, it just made me it made me it made me sad. And then it Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: you you spiral a little bit as a parent, like, my God, okay, well, they'll be out of the house and what am I gonna do? And and all these different thoughts were and then it's mentally wearing on you and you know, thank God I got my wife who looked at me and like, my god, stop. Like, stop, please. So what are you seeing with that from a parent perspective? Because it's tough. I don't care what anyone Lorraine Eloms: It is. Rhett Parker: says, it's tough. Lorraine Eloms: 100%. It's tough. And look, you'll have five, six, eighteen more cries before they graduate high school. So one, I say, embrace and and embrace those feelings because they're real, they're legit. And your wife is saying just stop. I guarantee you she's gonna have a cry at some. It'll maybe be later, Rhett Parker: Right. Hundred percent. Yeah. Lorraine Eloms: but she she'll be crying somewhere. Rhett Parker: Hundred percent. Lorraine Eloms: so I I say, you know, this is 100% true that it it goes by quickly. And it is hard to look ahead, but the the number one thing you have to enjoy these moments now because you can't stop the fact that they are going to, you know, graduate and leave and do their own thing. but I really leaned into enjoying where they were. And so I was blessed because my husband and I also coached, we were their track coaches in high school. So Rhett Parker: Mm. Lorraine Eloms: we had more time and I always say that that was a blessing because it was like. I actually was able to spend more time than a lot of parents with their high schoolers because we were there with them after school, you know, for track practice. So I really just leaned into that and I think I started grieving like real hard their junior year because I knew, you know, okay, this is now it's getting real. And all the senior parents were telling me how quickly it goes by. So I was like, okay, well, let me just enjoy these times. So whether it was dinner, whether it was we were going for a walk, I just paid attention more to those and was like, wow. And then sometimes you can get to the point where you'd be like, my God, this is our last final walk. You know what I mean? All that kind of stuff. So try not to do that. But it's really just enjoying the times because that's really all we have a control over. Rhett Parker: Mm. Lorraine Eloms: But it's tough. I'm not going to sit there and lie to you, right? Is it's tough to watch, but then it's also gratifying because the goal was for us to give our kids the best of us. and then lift them up so that they can be the best humans that they can be in this world outside of sports, but just as the person. And so I just continue to try to think of those things because that's all we have to give at this point. besides that and the tears. Rhett Parker: Yeah, a hundred percent. I I and I think I think my wife was more like I was like spiraling into like five years from now and she's Lorraine Eloms: I think Rhett Parker: like just you can be 'cause I'm a I'm the nostalgic one, probably a little bit more than than Lorraine Eloms: yeah, I am too. Rhett Parker: she is, and and you know, and she she is, but it it it's there's a quote that that I freaking live by and and and the best part of parenting. is watching your kids grow up. And the hardest part of parenting is watching your kids grow up. It it it is, you know, I'm even tearing up right now just thinking about, you know, some of the stuff. So mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Yeah. That's real though. And feel, you know. That's kind of like the, you know, the post I posted. And I just saw that quote last week. I didn't know a friend of mine, he posted that because he has kids in college. And I was like, man, that's so real. And it's just hard because we want things to be black and white as parents. We want to say, okay, well, I'm sad at this moment. it's easier to manage. But Rhett Parker: Yeah. Lorraine Eloms: you're like, well, I'm sad, then I'm excited, then I'm happy, and a little proud, but then I'm a little sad. And that's kind of really where my emotions have been probably the last year or so on and off between different moments because you do have a you just have a just a bunch of different emotions going on Rhett Parker: Mm. Lorraine Eloms: that you're trying to manage all at the same time. Cause you love your kids so hard, but then you're like, well, I don't want them to grow up, but then I do want them to grow up. Yeah. It's all that kind of Rhett Parker: Yep. it's it's and and again and and and I was talking to to our producer about this. It it's we're talking about surviving you sports podcast, but man, Lorraine Eloms: my god. Rhett Parker: it it's for him and I, because he's got even kids younger than I do, it it's surviving parenting. And sports is a massive Lorraine Eloms: Good night. Rhett Parker: vehicle for a lot of people to survive parenting. Lorraine Eloms: That's Rhett Parker: And again, you know, man, the pot, you know, podcast, man. How are you doing a podcast? And you know, some people like to rib me about it and different stuff. I go, there could be one person that listens to it, there could be a hundred thousand people. I've learned so much from other people, yourself included. I I'll probably never stop doing it because it's therapeutic. Lorraine Eloms: Absolutely. Absolutely. And good for you. And Rhett Parker: You know, yeah. Lorraine Eloms: that's where it's so across all facets, you know, when it comes to coaching, parenting, to me, community is really what makes it. because like we talked about, you can have different perspectives. And even if I don't fully align, I can pull something from everybody, and that's what community is for because ultimately us as parents, sports parents, parents parents, we're just trying to figure it out. Like. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Lorraine Eloms: Nobody has all the answers. We have our experiences that we can share, but nobody has all the answers. So why not lean into the community and understand what works and what doesn't work? And that relationship with your kid, it matters, you know. And so I've tried to use the the sports part to build a connection that is goes beyond sports, but just so that my kids understand that I see them, you know, and sports or no sports, you know, I want to make sure that those relationships are strong and then obviously with the coaching community where I can learn some extra things from just to help my kids. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. No, I think that's great. Well, got ta yeah. It's a good episode. This will be a good one. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, but nice. Rhett Parker: what's the as we sort of wrap this up here, what what advice do you have for for players, coaches, parents? You know, what is the one takeaway that you want to give people, you know, from from everything that you do? And obviously you you got a whole array of it, you know, just just like Just like I do, to to draw from. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, though the biggest takeaway I would say is, you know, don't forget your mind in matters. You know, one of the things that is is really tough, I think, with mental performance or people leaning into it and understanding the value of, you know, being having a strong mental health is that people don't see their brain. And so therefore they deprioritize it. And everything you do starts with the thought. It starts with your feelings, your emotions, and those things. So, you know. Even though we're in a world where you're trying to make sure that you have all the proper training and all those kind of things so that you can be the best person you can be, it really does start with your mind. So I'll just say if you ever have questions, you don't have to ask me. You know, there's a lot of things out there and it it really can be life changing if you went into, you know, the mindset piece and and really is taking care of your brain. Rhett Parker: Awesome. I and and I fully agree. I do think that we do overlook it because it's an intangible thing. You Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: know, if if you again you brought up track. I mean the time's the time. That's very it's pff it's tangible, but you can't see this. Lorraine Eloms: Yeah, should I put my hand on it? Yeah. Rhett Parker: No, that's great advice. Well, i if people want to reach out to you, you know, where where can we find you? Social media's websites. I I I do like I said, I I noticed you, you know, through social media and and some of the things you're saying, you know, hit home. So where where can people find you? Lorraine Eloms: Sure, so our main our training page is train top or top speed athletics on Instagram. And then my page work leans more into the mental performance piece and all those things. It's Lorraine Ellen Speaks on Instagram. But then our website is traintopspeed.com. so you can go there. You'll see you know our blogs that we have out there. Then also if you want individual or virtual guided training, we offer that as well, of course, with mental performance. that's in there too and and everything is customized. So you know even when it comes to our physical performance when we train teams, it's always based off of the need. So we build a program that meets the goal. And then the same thing with mental performance. So if you're struggling with perfectionism or bouncing back from mistakes or confidence or whatever it is, you know, the cus it's always customized to serve the person who's needing the support. Rhett Parker: Well, like like I said, it it what you're doing is is is a really good thing. You have a lot of perspective. you know, I I I won't go down the rabbit hole. I I will take a step back and and try to enjoy Lorraine Eloms: Appreciate it. Rhett Parker: you know, the fights that are happening after school these days are really, really Lorraine Eloms: Yeah. Rhett Parker: super fun right now. But I would Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: say that, you know, again, you're you're right. Like you you are gonna miss majority of it. Not all of it. Not all of it. But you you a lot of it. yeah. Lorraine Eloms: No. No. But a lot of gifts. Yeah. And so that's the gift right now. Like you have a gift because you still have them there with you. And if being Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. And Lorraine Eloms: with them, that's that's it. Rhett Parker: and I do the pickups and the drop offs because I work from home. So I really have But but I will say this, I will say this, I'll Lorraine Eloms: Okay. Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: leave on a light note here. About eight thirty at night, like bedtime time, I'm done. Like I am, I am two thirty, like I've had since two thirty. Obviously, Lorraine Eloms: Right. Rhett Parker: pickups drop bedtime. I just Lorraine Eloms: Shadow. Rhett Parker: I'm like, you know, and and I'm I My wife is is like I said, sometimes she needs me, but you know, I think it was maybe last night. I I looked at her, I was like, I'm done. Shh and and I just I went to I went laid down in bed. yes, a hundred percent. well thanks for coming on. I think I think yeah, this Lorraine Eloms: Refit. You gotta refit. Mm-hmm. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate the conversation. It's really Rhett Parker: was this was really good and and I'm gonna take a lot from this and Lorraine Eloms: Same. Rhett Parker: yeah, appreciate the the support. And again, you know, even and even though your kids are out, you know, obviously your son plays for Wisconsin, big, big, Lorraine Eloms: Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: big, big, big season coming up, you're still surviving new sports because it's not you're not over. I I tell people this all the time. Like you're Lorraine Eloms: No, no. Rhett Parker: college professionally, you're still a parent first. Lorraine Eloms: Yes, absolutely. And then our daughter runs track in college too. So we got the double, I wouldn't say whammy, but yeah. So I'll be tuned in often Rhett Parker: Yeah. Yes. Lorraine Eloms: so I can keep getting advice from your point. Now I want to feel like I'm alone. Rhett Parker: that's funny. That's awesome. Well, we appreciate having you on and I I look forward to more of of your perspectives as well. Lorraine Eloms: I appreciate it. Thanks for having me, Rhett.