Lindsey Nadler: Why Kids Need More Freedom and Less Monitoring

Rhett Parker: Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surviving You Sports. And today we have Lindsay Nadler. And I can't wait to hear about travel ball back in the day and mental mental competitiveness, mental edge. I I I I love it. I I try to take, you know, the conversation a little bit prior to the show and I and I add a little punch to it. So we're so excited to have you on. Lindsey Nadler: my god. Yeah, Rhett. I'm I'm so excited to be here. Let's let's get into it. Let's do it. Rhett Parker: Hundred percent. And so give us give us your background of of you growing up and playing and and sort of where you're at today. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah, so I grew up playing multiple sports. I did basketball, softball, and track. I went on to play D1 college softball, but I was up in the travel ball world. that was our life. We didn't take a vacation like since I was twelve years old, or like the vacation was like wherever the tournament was or whatever. yeah, so I I grew up, you know, heavily immersed in all of that. it was my life, it was our family's life, it became my identity, which I don't recommend. Rhett Parker: That's funny. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: played college softball and then when I got done with that I was actually a police officer for several years. because you know when we're athletes we feel like we always have to do something important and you know adrenaline spiking. And so anyways, I did that and but it's not conducive to family life and so that twelve hour night shift just wasn't working for us. so I retired to that, got into a a lot of different Rhett Parker: A hole. Right. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: you know, businesses and life coaching and things like that. And then I came back to the world of coaching. I started coaching softball again. And that opened my eyes that we are dealing with a very different generation. We are dealing with a very different athlete brain, specifically with females. And I noticed that the females on my team were really struggling. And so that set me on a quest, if you will, to find solutions and answers for them. And I found mental skills training. And I found mental performance coaching. And I found also found the work of Dr. Jonathan Haid. He wrote the book called The Anxious Anxious Generation. Highly recommend that for all parents and coaches listening to this. It really opened my eyes a a lot. And my first team was my guinea pig for mental skills training. And it took off. And so now I do mental performance coaching full-time. And I work with athletes, coaches, and teams all over the country. And it is so exciting. Rhett Parker: Love it. Lindsey Nadler: To be a part of. Rhett Parker: Talk about generations. Do you think that your parents made your sports journey their identity too at times? Lindsey Nadler: I think, you know, I was raised by my dad. My mom passed my mom passed away when I was young from breast cancer. And so I grew up in a male household and you to survive you had to talk like a you just you you gotta just get it together, you know? And so I had no concept of like a lot of other stuff. But what I found that was like for me and my dad, I don't know if it was necessarily his identity. Rhett Parker: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Gotta be tough. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: he also he threw the javelin in college, so he was a a college athlete as well. I just think it became without realizing it, our only way of bonding. It was like which is really common with dads and girls I find. it was all we talked about and it was our way that we connected. You know, we're out and you know, outside throwing and hitting and, you know, that just kind of became the only Rhett Parker: Okay. Lindsey Nadler: thing in our relationship, which I wouldn't recommend. You know, it wasn't really like, well, how are your grades and what's going on with your friends? And what do you like? Do you like anything other than s than sports? You know, it was just like this is like what we talk about and this is what we do. And like it our whole life revolved around. Rhett Parker: No. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And w which is is i it's it's good to have that, right? But you have to have, hey, you know, what what is going on with school? What like what is going on with other parts of your life? Because, you know, and you talk about, you know, the young athletes, like it it's it it doesn't define who you are. I I I find myself telling probably more my oldest son that right now. It's like Dude, this doesn't matter. Like it matters to you mentally. But like it doesn't, we don't care. Me and mom don't care. Like, we just want you to be a great person. And I they're 12, right? I'm struggling with it because you can say that to him, and he's like, dude, I don't care. I want to be this and I want to be that. I want it's like, okay, that's great. And I love it. If that's what you want to do, go for it, buddy. But man, the odds that you're doing this, this, and this. Lindsey Nadler: Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: Or Lindsey Nadler: Yes. And also that will come to an end one day. So what's next? Who are you without your sport? What I always tell my athletes and what I would have killed for someone to tell me is that Lindsay, like you are not your sport. You're a your sport is a part of what you do and you have joy in it, you have passion. That is so great, but it is not your identity. And most importantly, this can't be the only thing you're getting your validation from. You're like Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: Because you know, as young people, we're little validation seekers all the time, you know, and as humans, we just are. Like we we want validation. But if we're constantly searching for validation and confidence from what we do, man, that's not sustainable. You're gonna have a nervous breakdown. I mean, I I burnt out, I you know, we all go through kind of this identity crisis. you probably have heard this term, like people talk about becoming a NARP, non athlete regular person for the listeners that don't know. Rhett Parker: Right. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. It's not fun, guys. It's not fun. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Lindsey Nadler: It's like non-athlete regular person. It's like, you know, you don't feel special anymore. So how do you learn to just be? Like that's common for all of us. And so I would have just loved for some, you know, my dad for people to have told me like you are so much more than your sport. And this one phrase stuck with me a lot. I had a mentor tell me this. Because guess what, guys? That performance identity translates to everything else in your life. It starts with sports and then your job and then your relationships. And it's just not sustainable. And she said. Rhett Parker: It is. Lindsey Nadler: You know, Lindsay, you wanna approach life from, not for. So I play sports, I work hard, the type of person that I am is from my value, it's from my joy, it's from my passion, not for it. Right? That's how you can like play with joy and have a little bit more quote unquote balance, you know, if that even exists. Rhett Parker: Play with play with joy. I I mean, it it's really interesting because you talk about multiple sports. And I watched again, I keep going back to my son. God, he just there's times that he just doesn't have fun playing baseball. I'm like, dude, this is supposed to be fun. Especially in Little League. Cause he does little league and travel and soccer. And I'm like, dude, you're not having any fun. I said to him last night, it was last little league game ever. It was last night. And it it it really was, but like Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Sweet. Rhett Parker: God, he did not have fun last night because Little League is for about fun and playing with your buddies. It's not about winning or you're not really getting better. That's why we did a travel thing. Like it it and and and it kind of, you know, and I think this morning he woke up and he's feeling a lot better, right? But we're we're here to have fun too, guys, because I'll I'll take it 10 steps further. My little brother essentially. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Rhett Parker: In the big leagues for the Braves. Okay. Lindsey Nadler: cool. Rhett Parker: Five starts, got sent down, recently got called back up. I mean, I'm watching a a a big leaguer go through ups and downs of getting and again, we we we have to tell him in his orbit because when you're up, everybody's your friend. Everybody wants a PCU, everybody wants this and this, and you're you're on cloud nine and you're and you're the guy. Well, guess what happens when you get called back down to AAA? Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Mm. Rhett Parker: Hmm, there's not a lot of people reaching out to you. And so, like, you got to keep that circle tight and you got to have people that go, and I've told him this forever. I've told other people that have played high level. I could care less if you're a baseball player. I really could. I care that you wanna why I like you? And I and I, these are ex players of mine, because you're a great person. And whether you're in baseball or not, you're gonna you're gonna help people and you're gonna be a leader. And I want my kids to be like you, not because of the baseball. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hm. Rhett Parker: Because of who you are as a person. And I say that to former players that are cops and pilots and people that I'll know forever. And man, it's a it Lindsay, it's scary. It really is scary. And then God forbid, do not go on social media and read about I mean, don't do it. because this gambler lost this and this person's mad, but and you're like, my God. And these are people you know that you're really close with. You're like, my God. Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Yeah. my god. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, and again, back to what we were saying, that's a lifetime of my validation and my worth is attached to my performance. And when that thing gets removed from you, because it will, who will you be in the process? Who will you be after that? And if you haven't had the reps of having joy in the process, Everything is gonna be exposed and I it's so hard to watch everybody go through that, but what I found, you know, I def I went through it, I'm sure you did too, like it's necessary and it's the it's one of the biggest gifts that you could find because you figure out who you really are. Who who are you when you don't have that thing giving you validation? You know, again, it's in here. You gotta face yourself. Am I worthy just because I'm me? Am I worthy just because I'm a human on this planet who deserves to live just for, you know, outside of what I do and what I contribute and the awards I get, you know, and it's like we're conditioned to this from a young age, you know, awards day in elementary school, you know, it's like all of that. So it's like a part of it is, you know, society and Rhett Parker: It's hard. Lindsey Nadler: social construct too. And as athletes, you know, it's where you found your your circle of friends. You know, you've been getting you've been getting praised and praised, but I don't know, I'm sure you've heard this quote too. It's like if you live for the opinion and praise of people, then you're gonna die by it too. And I don't want to live that way. So Rhett Parker: Yeah. Yeah. And it and and again, I I think when we when we grew up, it was a hell of a lot easier than it is now. Lindsey Nadler: my God. Yeah, that's so true. You know, I hear like a lot of, you know, as I work with a lot of coaches too, and you know, it's like when back when I was playing, you know, that whole deal. I'm like like first of all, stop saying that. Just just it's that's not attracting anybody to your cause. and your your kids, your your athletes don't care about when you were playing at all. but like you didn't have to deal with what these kids are dealing with today. Rhett Parker: Right. All right. Right. Right. Correct. Right. Lindsey Nadler: You just didn't. Like we are in a total, we're in a fishbowl. We're social media, like, in especially in the world of college sports, NIL. And I mean, can you imagine? And like I think about this too in in terms of mental skills. Like when we were coming up, you couldn't go on like a ranking platform or a social platform and look at everybody's ranking and look at everybody's stats. Like game changer didn't exist. Like you kind of just had to show up and play and just like let it be what it was. Like technology has a advanced so much with scouting reports, which is great, and just all of these things. And I'm grateful for that. But at the same time, if an athlete isn't equipped on the mental side, all of that can become a huge distraction and create a lot of comparison and anxiety. Rhett Parker: Yes. Mm-hmm. But I think it's not just the players. It's the parents that yes. my gosh. I'm like, like, you know, again, like like all the go all the way down to Little League, or you can go to high school or whatever. And and people stats and stats and stats and stats. And I'm like, my gosh, guys, stats. Lindsey Nadler: Well, yeah, they're caught up in the stats and rankings way more. Yeah. Yeah. Rhett Parker: They they they and I learn I I learned this unfortunately. I think I think one of the years I played indie ball, I think my ERA was about a 10. And it was great for like you know, the f I threw one inning at a time. I think my first 12 innings or so, like I was good, man. I had like a three ERA and then I got hurt, and then I tried to pitch through it, and I think I gave up, you know, four in an inning, and then like my last one, like it was like a double header. We were already getting killed. I like tried to battle through like having an MCL sprain. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Rhett Parker: I think I gave up like seven runs of third of me. And I looked at my ERA, I was like, man, it's ten now. Okay, this is super fun. And you know, and and and my parents are like, hey, you know, because they're like, what what's the plan? I go, what do you mean? They're like, dude, as soon as you get off the IR, like you're gone. And then and then I got released again. I was like, shoot. God, my parents were right. Like, okay, what am I gonna do now? but I I Lindsey Nadler: Mm. It's ten. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rhett Parker: I I do think it's the parents' validation as well as the kids. And you know, you have to watch what you're saying around your kids and the way you act because that the if you care about the validation as a parent, I feel like the kid is like, I need to be good for for mom and dad. Or I'm not. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Yes. They because they already feel that way. without even an if you're a perfect parent, that's just natural. It's how we're designed, our brain is designed to be a part of the tribe and to and to be safe. And you're so right. Like I actually just did a TikTok video on this. Like three things that might be causing your athlete more pressure that you don't even realize. And constantly talking about stats in front of them and the other team is one of them. Like, well did you see so and so and like you're creating you're adding fuel to the comparison fire that's already there. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: them for sure. And then like your you are not your child and your child's accomplishments are really not yours. And I know that that's hard, but I think that we're in this this time with youth sports and sports where it's this symbio symbiotic, almost like codependent, especially with NIL involve we've got a lot of mommagers and dadagers. out there now on social media where it's like they are it's their ego now and it's all about them and you know and it's just like please like why can't we just let our kids be their own people? Like they actually are their own person and our job as parents and this is just my opinion is to allow them to be their own people and they're gonna make mistakes and that's part of the pro and that's part of the process and they're not gonna be perfect. You know but that that is not that's what the human experience is about. Rhett Parker: Mm. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: It's not a reflection of you. And I think that's really, really hard as a parent to come to terms with, especially when our kids make mistakes. Because we're like, is that a reflection of my parenting? Am I not a good parent? And it's just it's really, really tough. It's tough. Rhett Parker: Yeah. crazy. It's it it it is tough. I I I do agree with that, but I I I I'll be a little bit more callous with it. You're the adult. Like you're like you're the adult. Like be an adult. You're raising a human being. You're not raising an athlete. Like be a friggin adult and and and understand that most of the time they're giving their best effort and and they do care. But they might not care as much as you. Lindsey Nadler: Okay. Yeah. Rhett Parker: Be because they might they might, you know, want to be a chef, which is awesome. Go be a chef. And I just think I feel like like we're so lost because people want to do this and put this ranking out there and this. And again, and you've dealt with coaches and high level athletes, and and and and I will continue to say this, and and I feel like the the the we could do this podcast for ten years. I'm not continuing to say this. Your genetic makeup. Lindsey Nadler: Mm. Correct. Rhett Parker: matters. I I can't even begin to tell you how much that matters for your kid to be a great athlete or not. I I I cannot begin to tell you how much that's important for the next level. Like and and yes, you gotta work hard, you gotta get lucky, you gotta stay healthy, you gotta love it. I I agree with all but i if you do not have a good genetic makeup to start, which is which is it it is not under your control Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. I mean the percentage of your of your athlete playing college is like three percent. Going pro, it isn't it's like one percent. So it's like are we really banking why are we banking so much on that when there's gonna be so much more of life of life? I I love what you just said. you're raising a you're raising a human, not an athlete. Do you have that on a t shirt and a mug somewhere? Like that's great merch, Rhett. You do need to drain mark it, like it's really good. Rhett Parker: Validation. Validation, right? Mm. Mm. I don't. I don't. Did the Yeah, trade, yeah. Trademark that. Trademark that. Yeah. Love it. Lindsey Nadler: Because I mean, even like I mean, I listen, parents, please don't come for me. I know some of y'all are probably going to read. I don't know if you know this, but every time I go on podcasts, like it's controversial. But attention is currency right now in business. So I cringe a little bit when I see parents where their social media handle is like Rhett Parker: That's great. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: raising athletes or like I'm like the whole identity around the page is like how to raise an athlete, how to raise a pro kid, how to it's like, you know, or like and gosh parents, like I don't mean anything by this. I just am saying maybe we need to just look at this. Maybe we need to just use some of the discernment where it's like sports mom, tennis mom, or like, you know, it's just like that's the that's like your social media handle. Like okay, like Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: w again, what are you gonna do as a parent when it's over? Because it's gonna be over. Rhett Parker: Yeah. dude. I I okay, so I'll say I'll say two parts about this. So so I know some guys played in big leagues that are older. Man, they have nothing to do. They got all the money in the world. You can only go golfing so many so many days a week. And it's like they're bored because because yeah, their spotlights off and and I know others that do a lot of great things too. So it's you know, it's not a complete generalization, but man, I know. Lindsey Nadler: Wow, they're bored. No purpose. Rhett Parker: parents because I've I've I've been around and I've owned you know tournament companies and I've coached kids and man they're they're they have nothing to do. Be yeah and man, like their kids are now you know becoming a dentist and they got their own lives and they're starting to get married and and and you're just sitting back like, my gosh. You know, and I I trust me my wife and I talk about this because we are at a field every Lindsey Nadler: Yeah, they don't have a life outside their children. Rhett Parker: Sing because we got four. It it it it it it is, but like, you know, and and I joked with her. I was like, well, we got four kids. When we get tired of bothering one for a week, you know, we can go to the next one and bother them for a week and then come home for like so so maybe we're lucky, but I like it will be over one day. And and and you know, and and like I said, the the kid who's in the big league who's like my little brother, close thing I'll ever have. Lindsey Nadler: It's hard for it not to become your life. Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. Mm. Rhett Parker: His dad's one of my best friends. We're business partners on lot of stuff. We talk almost every day. He's had to adjust, you know, because again, he can't just follow his big league son around. He he like you cannot do it. Like he's gotta have his own life. That kid's getting married. That kid, I mean, now he's getting married in November. So you're like, he's had to do different stuff. And you know what? Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Yes, yes. Rhett Parker: He's starting to get into my kids. Like, hey, how did the little league game? And I'm like, awesome. This is great. Like, and and you know, they're like family. And I go, we won't be able to go to all the events. And, you know, I go, Ian, you're gonna have to take the kids to some of the events. I can't be at everything, neither can my wife. Uncle Ian will take us. And so he started to like, he's doing this, and he started golfing again. He's doing, and I'm like, man. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Rhett Parker: As a friend, I'm like, this is awesome. Like, I you know, he's probably gonna hate that I put this on here, but like you're finding other things to do. He's going there he has a another son who's a great kid who's in college, go visits him and they went on a trip together. I'm like, dude, that that's so cool because there was a stress there. He's like, dude, what like I'm so in. Yes, like what like I I traveled to do this and we did this. And he coached other kids and he would go see some of them play in college. Well Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. What do I do with myself? Yeah. Rhett Parker: We're now at the age like they're they're sort of aging out. And I'm so proud of him as a friend. You have to have the other stuff. And you're he's a damn like damn scratch golfer. Like, good for you. Lindsey Nadler: Hmm. Yes. Yes, hobbies. And it's almost like empty nesting in a way. this conversation is reminding me. I don't know if you saw there was Abby Wombach, she has a podcast or she went on a podcast and there was like this viral clip that she got so much hate for because she was telling parents, you don't have to be at every single one of your kids' practices. You actually don't have to sit there. Like go for a walk. Like they don't need you there. Like allow them to just have practice without your constant eyeballs and your constant stuff. Like it's all right. Like just go sit in the car. Rhett Parker: You don't. Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: And answer emails or like go run an errand. Like you don't have to be at every single practice. And like as a coach, like we don't want y'all there either. So but I just was like blown away by the amount of hate comments. So mad. Like, what do you mean? And just like, I mean, you would have thought she it was like saying give your kids drugs or something. I mean, it just was like the but when you yeah. Rhett Parker: People got mad at that. Wow. We're we're we're drop and go. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Rhett Parker: and and and listen, if you're driving hour for like I I I totally get it. Like you can't really leave and go home and come back. We're able to do that with our kids soccer and baseball and softball. But you just said it. Like you don't have to like be there. Lindsey Nadler: Because hear me, parents, on this, the science behind this. Okay. And again, please go read The Anxious Generation by Dr. Jonathan Haidt. It will tell you, it will give you so much of the research around helicopter parenting and how we do too much for our kids and how that's robbing them of resiliency and mental toughness. Like you want your kids to be tough. You've got to allow them to figure it out. Age appropriateness, of course. age appropriateness here. But at some point it's like, when is your athlete, daughter or son gonna be allowed to have some autonomy here without everything being watched, everything being scrutinized? you know, I even think about the fact, you know, just think about when we were coming up, like we didn't have life 360. Right? Like we didn't have someone watching our every move that we made. Think about what that does psychologically to kids these days. We want them to be fearless. We want them to take risks. You know, we want them to go all out, but they're in a fishbowl. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: You know, like I some of the girls that I used to coach, they're like, Yeah, if I drive ten miles over the speed limit in my car, you know, my mom's calling me from life three sixty or whatever, like 'cause they're able to track how j how fast they drive. I'm just like, my God. Like I just think about when we were coming up, like our parents didn't know where we were. We were we were in a field somewhere, you know, like they were like, I hope you make it home. Like we had to actually like go find a phone at somebody's house to call and check in. Like Rhett Parker: Really Yeah. All right, Lindsey Nadler: It's just different. Like it's okay, parents, like just let your kids be their own person. Give them some autonomy. Give them some space to fail. Give them some space to build resiliency. Rhett Parker: Yeah, I we I've tried to explain our generation to to the twins and I mean it it didn't go over they're they're like, What in the what? W so like you just parents, you know, grandma grandma grandpa didn't know where you were. It's like no. I had no clue. And you were our age? I go, I've I was younger actually, but Lindsey Nadler: And they they don't do they don't care. Like what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When when I was sixteen years old, I drove ten hours to visit my aunt and I had just gotten my license. My dad gave me an atlas. Do you remember an atlas map? Like these big ass maps that you had to like figure in pull. So I'm like driving in my Jeep Cherokee with this giant, you know, map trying to figure out how to get from Louisiana to Chattanooga, driving through it Atlanta and Birmingham traffic. Rhett Parker: yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. my goodness. Okay. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: You know, and I've got my like nine year old sister in the car with me. Like we just had to like parents today would never, ever, ever, ever, ever do this. It was funny, I was actually talking to my nephew too. he just signed to play JUCO baseball. And he just went on his senior trip, his team, they won the high school state championship, and I'm like Rhett Parker: Yeah. No shot. Awesome. Lindsey Nadler: He's like, Yeah, we just went got back from my senior trip. They went to Florida or whatever, and he was telling me about it. And he's like, Yeah, we just rented a house and we just kind of chilled on the beach and we had like four or five parent chaperones or something like that. And was like, My senior trip, I went to Cancun. There was one like it's just like so different. No life 360. We had to take pictures with Rhett Parker: Very different. Lindsey Nadler: disposable cameras, remember that? There's no instant, no Snapchat. So I just think about how all of that affects our athletes psychologically. And we want them to be fearless and we want them to play with all of this confidence. But the life, the world that they live in is not its opposite, is not you is not typically conducive to that. Rhett Parker: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's not and i again, it's balance, right? And and you know, I try not to to hammer on anyone's journey, you know. If if if you think the best thing for your kids is sit at practice for XYZ reason, so be it. Like I would generally say that I don't think for the majority of people that's probably the route to go. you know. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Right. Rhett Parker: That's that but that's my opinion. You want to hate on you or me or whoever for that? Like because you're doing it, great. It it and I and I think we just get caught in black and white. Yeah, it it and and I've said it multiple times on the show, dude. I got four kids. They are completely different. Some things that I do with one, I don't do with the other. I don't. And and and because they're they they they're very different. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah, there's nuance and gray to just about everything. Yeah. Yeah. Rhett Parker: My youngest, I gotta go coach him. I mean he dan he darn near got thrown out of a of a little league game the other day. He's seven because he's just he's that like and you're just like okay, like Lindsey Nadler: Ha ha ha What did he get th what did he almost get thrown out for? Rhett Parker: He didn't like a call. His coach is the umpire, cause it's kid pitch until it's a walk or hit by pitch. And then the coach comes in. He didn't like a strike call. And he like he like slammed his bat. And I'm like, I'm in the stands because I needed a breather from him for the share. And I'm just like, he's like, dude, and then you're like mad and yelling. He's yelled at the other team's coaches. I'm like, and he's gotten better. But like, I Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Okay, this is good. Rhett Parker: I cannot he is not like his brothers or his sister. And like the way I treat him and talk to him is a lot more forceful. It's a lot more like, you know, than I than I do the others. If I did that to the others, it would not have it the effect would be adverse. And so like I just you you said people giving hate. Because it's it's it works for me, maybe it doesn't work for you. And that that that's okay. And I think you're saying it, Abby, we're giving our opinion. Lindsey Nadler: Wooden land. Rhett Parker: And you have to look at it as a parent and go, wow, I never thought of it like that. Or, yeah, okay, but I don't think that works for us. And that's okay. It yesh, golly, man. I was I was telling somebody about this, you know, about you know, social media and whatever, and I'm like, man, people just love to hate. They just love to hate on on on on you know. Lindsey Nadler: That's okay. You can have a different opinion. Yeah. Mm. Rhett Parker: Our little podcast got some hate on something. I'm like, dude, do people just sit there and be like, man, I'm gonna go after this person? And I'm like. Lindsey Nadler: Everything. It's like the keyboard courage, as I always say. Like you would never say that to somebody's face, but you think you can hide behind the keyboard and behind the screen. And I think another thing too is like hu it's just human nature. Like humans love to complain. Yeah, we love to complain. We we bond through complaining, you know. And I think one thing that social media has done too, it's like you're important now. Rhett Parker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I do too. I do too. Lindsey Nadler: You're you're you're important because you have an opinion and it's this way that people are trying to be heard and seen. it's just in a false reality. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Yeah. For sure. For sure. And and you know, because a lot of people joke with me because I've always railed against social media and they're like, hey, big podcaster now. Big time pot and I'm like, honestly, I I learn something, and I already have a talking to you every time I do this, and it makes me feel great because I'm still trying, even though I've had a a lot of stuff, I own part of softball America. Like I am. Lindsey Nadler: Ha ha Rhett Parker: well versed in the softball world. And like a lot of things you're saying make a lot of sense to me just for the from the softball perspective too. So like I'm learning, I'm having fun doing it. That's why I do this. It it is not for some validation of like, man, I get a beyond a podcast. Like anyone can go start a podcast. It doesn't mean you're more important or less important than the next person, kind of like what we talked about. So Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm, absolutely. Rhett Parker: well I w give give us the one thing that you know, and I think we're really a lot more parent oriented in this conversation, which is great. And I love it because there's no script and I hadn't, you know, no idea where this is gonna go. I this is this has actually been a a real joy for me because I've picked up on some things and I wrote down the name of that book. And but but best advice that you have for people and you know. Lindsey Nadler: Okay. Ha ha ha. Rhett Parker: Mainly parents, kids, coaches, whatever, you know, from you. Lindsey Nadler: In regards to what? Which part? Rhett Parker: Anything, anything. Youth sports, like what what do you want people to take away from this episode? you know, from your perspective. Lindsey Nadler: Well, I'll say this 'cause we we haven't really talked about the mental skills aspect yet. Than the mental game, which is Rhett Parker: Yeah. Let's let's dive into it. Lindsey Nadler: Which is my, you know, the mission behind everything that I do and mental skills. And I would say, I would and actually you kind of served me a layup 'cause I was thinking about your son, you know, he's seven. And what he is i expressing there is emotional dysregulation. His nervous system is dysregulated. His seven-year-old brain is perceiving a threat, and that threat was this person's being unfair to me. And so mental Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: Mental skills training, and what I mean by mental skills is that we can train the brain just like we train the body, and emotional regulation is the foundation of everything that we do. And your ability as a parent to emotionally regulate yourself first. Okay, to lead by example in this area. And then to be able to teach what that looks like to your kids is the number one skill that they need. you know, I am always teaching athletes how to bounce back from mistakes, how to regulate their system. Okay, that starts and so important with for boys. my God, right? You know, they that's gotta start, you know, early. And I love that you're strong with him because I find that a lot of the boys really need that. I have two grandkids. two grandsons believe that or not and they they they're the same way and I have to be just Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: on them all the time because I want these boys to be respectful. I want them to understand that they can't let their emotions, you know, get the best of them and then actually hurt someone. You know, so we're raising, you know, positive, strong masculinity there. We're teaching that. But you have to learn how to regulate your own emotional system, your own nervous system, which a lot of adults, we haven't been taught this ourselves. And then we have to teach our kids that from an early age. And then Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: The mental training is just, if not more important as the physical. And you know, there are reps and drills and processes and routines that you want to start incorporating. I really think that age of 11, 12, is super important, like right at the onset of puberty to really start working on the mental game and talking about what that looks like and simple things, just learning how to breathe, learning how to name the emotion that you're feeling. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: Because what gets taught a lot in sports, and I was taught this too, especially being raised primarily by my dad, was you don't feel. You compartmentalize and you stuff it and you soldier up and you go get it done. Rhett Parker: Yeah. It's not possible. Yeah. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: Well that only works until it doesn't. And and what happens is if we stuff and stuff and stuff, guess what eventually eventually happens? We explode, right? What you resist persists. And so what I love to teach athletes, and I think, you know, w this is youth sports, so younger athletes, if you can teach your kid how to breathe, slow deep deep breaths. Rhett Parker: Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: Paying attention to their breath to calm down and then also get in the habit of naming the emotion that they feel. Emotional intelligence is the precursor to leadership in any position. So we think about what are they gonna do after sports? They have to have a high e EQ, emotional intelligence. And so if they can get good at like, hey, what are you feeling right now? Helping them name that. Am I angry? Am I frustrated? Am I sad? Am I confused? Like, what is it that I'm actually feeling? Feel the thing. And then we can move on. Does that make sense? Because if we if kids are like constantly afraid of the emotion or they're constantly stuffing it, we're just delaying what they actually need to do. They need to be able to feel that thing, release it, and then it's next play. And then it's next, it's next point. But they can't next play. They can't bounce back. They can't respond if that emotion isn't dealt with first. And so teaching our kids that emotions are just you know, they're just flags. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: Of like what's going on. They don't they're not necessarily bad or good, or there's nothing to be afraid of there. There's no emotion that we're afraid to feel. you know, an emotion in the body only lasts for about 90 seconds, you know. So if like you can get through 90 seconds of whatever that is, you're gonna be okay on the other side. But like teaching that pause, teaching that mindfulness, I know that this sounds so oversimplified, but it is everything, especially with their athletic future, because this is the difference between good and Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: great athletes, average and elite athletes, and elite to you know super elite that you know wins dynasties and has championships. The the athlete that can regulate their emotions the longest is the athlete that's gonna win. So I think that's the most, that's my message always is it is we have to start training that and talking about it, you know, from a young age. Rhett Parker: Yeah. And I I would also say, you know, the personality of the kid sometimes dictates what sport they're gonna play. I I've I've noticed that. And I call it, and I'll add to what you just said. So I look at it at soccer, basketball, as a I call it, I call it a get back sport. Because when you make a mistake, you can get it back instantaneously. Baseball is the antithesis of that. Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No. Rhett Parker: It is softball is anticipated. You cannot get it back. So you gotta sit there. Yep. And and there's people that handle that really well that are like, darn, I struck out. Okay. Come on, Joe. And then there's people like, my God. And I start, and I have very different ones in my own family. And you know, sometimes some people they're just better at the get back sports where where they make a mistake, like, gosh darn it. But Lindsey Nadler: You got a stew in it. Ugh. Yep. Mm-hmm. Rhett Parker: There's no time to sit in it because the the game is happening already. And then I'm I'm I'm there. And and I I do think as we talk about multi sports and parents and picking sports and kids and pay attention to that. If your kid doesn't like failure, baseball's probably not softball's probably not a great sport. Okay. It it it probably not. It's probably not gonna work out in the long run. It just because it is it you will fail eventually. Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Mm. Yeah. Rhett Parker: And you'll fail a lot and it and it and it's hard and and I think that's just something to recognize, but yeah. Lindsey Nadler: high degree of failure. Absolutely. And on that note, Red, is it okay? Because you're talking about difference in personalities and differences in athletes. Rhett Parker: Yeah. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: I have a like a short thing that I always tell parents, and I train this with coaches on teams as well. This is research that I've done around personality profiles and athletes. And this is, I think, so important with parents, and especially if you also coach your kid. they're typically two different types of athletes. Okay. So we've got what I simplify this into red and blues. Are red athletes? Athletes or our psychopaths, probably your seven-year-old son. Competitive feelers, high emotions. They're the you know instigators and starters, and they want to win and they want to like run over you and then look down at you and say, I just ran over you. Do you see what I did? I'm the best, right? Like they're your intense, like monsters. Rhett Parker: For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Lindsey Nadler: And then we have our blue athletes. And our blue athletes are also intense, but they're calculated. They're calm, cool, collected. I always say like they're the ninjas that'll like cut you in the dark and you never saw them coming. And they're like nice doing business with you. Like they're the ice queens, like they're just icy. But they're very cerebral and very execution focused and very did I do it right focused. They live more in their head, whereas our red athletes, we're all heart. We're all heart. Rhett Parker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: our we're we're we live in our bodies. And so what those two athletes need are very, very different. If you come at a blue athlete with a lot of force and in their face, they are gonna shut down. And it's it's not great. And I see that happening a lot with parents. Like they they don't just they just don't know a lot of coaches too. Now, same thing with a red athlete. If you come up to a red athlete and I was like, Rhett, are you okay? Hey, what would you do? You would like punch me in the face. Like, get get away from me, bro. No. Like so the red, you can Rhett Parker: Done work. Dude, what are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Lindsey Nadler: you can respond. It's like, let's go. You can get in their face. With the blue, you have to ask questions. You have to approach that very different. Even distract them, make them make them laugh. So there's a different way, you know, learning your athlete and helping your athlete learn themselves and what their right level of gr of aggression is is fascinating to me. And something that I I love to talk about and I think is so cool if parents can learn that too. Because a a lot of parents will ask me like, you know, what do I say and what does my athlete need? And Rhett Parker: It is. Mm-hmm. Lindsey Nadler: You know, understanding who they are, you know, is really is really important. You know, all of the athletes kind of like dread that car ride home. Right. You know, so you know, they can be, you know, but that time is so special. It can be so special if you let it be. So I think understanding, you know, what type of athlete you got there is is really good too. Rhett Parker: Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's probably the basis for for this show, to be honest with you. Is it's it's just not black and white, and there's so many conversations to be had and so many nuances and different things. But if if if I'm listening to this, how can we find you social media? I I I love what you're doing, and and and secretly, I I was telling my wife this morning you know who you were and having you on, and she's like, As soon as you get off. Lindsey Nadler: Yeah. Rhett Parker: As soon as you get off the the podcast with her, s get us in a group text because she is really big on everything you just said as a is a former athlete. So I think she's yeah, she's super excited too. So but how how can people find you? Lindsey Nadler: Ha ha ha. Yes. Yes. Yes, I would love that. Cool. Yes. So so guys, follow me on TikTok and Instagram at Elite Mental Edge. Okay, I'm a that handle on both places. If you're a coach, you want to check out the mental edge playbook for coaches. I teach you a system to train the mental game of your athletes. And if you're a parent that's looking for help for your athlete daughter, I only work with girls. I have workshops that are available and then also private mental skills training for those more serious athletes that are wanting to get recruited or already at the next level and want to play there. Rhett Parker: Absolutely. No, I think it's great and I I think I think you nailed it, physical, mental. I mean it's they're both important and I just don't think we recognize that enough. And it's probably why a lot of us are are I mean, joking around. We're trying to survive you sports because we're not holistically looking at at at everything. But Lindsey Nadler: Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. You know, if we can just treat the mental with the same way that we treat the physical with no stigma, I think that's really probably my mission is like, you know, the mental game is just as important, if not more. And it's not just for athletes that's that are struggling. It's for athletes that want to get better. And that's the thing that we have to that we have to change. Yes. Yes. Rhett Parker: And the parents. So no, it's it it this has been great having you on. We yeah, we appreciate your time and and yeah, definitely I'm looking forward to to learning more. Lindsey Nadler: Thanks, Rhett. Absolutely. Okay, thank you.